Your neighborhood Zen teacher, available any place or time …

The necessity of practicing under the guidance of a teacher is one of the cornerstones of Zen Buddhist practice. The only practitioners who are encouraged to go off and sit by themselves are those who have worked with a teacher for many years and have clarified the great matter for themselves. The only ones who don’t sit regularly are those who don’t want to practice Zen Buddhism. The only ones who don’t practice under the guidance of a teacher are those who either won’t do so or can’t bring themselves to do so for some reason and mistakenly think that they can teach themselves.
(Ronin Tyrant Roshi)

Zen is Virtual, this Master is Real
RealRoshi 1.0
was designed specifically as an aid to Zen practitioners who cannot easily commute to a Zen center due to health concerns, living in remote areas, or work, childcare and family needs.

RealRoshi 1.0 is the next generation of cutting edge technology and geekiness, using the latest in materials and techniques and is the the result of our co-operation with some of the most skilled makers of adult love dolls and artisans as well as the most dynamic, cutting-edge Roshis.

RealRoshi 1.0 features significant weight reduction without sacrificing the feel of the doll, a handsome, androgynous face, a high quality, built-in sound system, loaded with hundreds of hours of teisho and dharma talks, and a full set of authentic Japanese robes. This doll is sure to develop a great reputation and set new standards in the interactive Dharma industry

Every RealRoshi 1.0 is a unique piece of spiritual art, mindfully assembled by our skilled staff, and ordained and sanctioned as a Zen teacher by Daisetsu Cohn, supreme abbot of the Eihei virtual Sangha in an online ceremony. You are therefore purchasing a fully transmitted Zen Master and Lineage Holder of the highest quality.

Different robes, kesa, rakusu, samugi, sticks, kyosaku, etc can be purchased separately for multiple combinations. Having one body and several costumes to choose from is like having several different Zen masters.

RealRoshi 1.0 Body Specs
Durable and life-like Platinum silicone and a sturdy platinum skeleton with flexible joints that will easily bend into the full lotus posture.

  • Height: 5’11″
  • Weight: 123 pounds (may vary +/- 5 lbs)
  • Chest: 44″
  • Waist: 32″
  • Robe size: Med-Lrg
  • Shoe Size: 9.5 US

$2995 FREE Shipping 
Order before February 1 and receive a
FREE SET OF SUMMER ROBES for only $199.95
I have purchased one of the most beautiful artworks I have ever seen. To just sit in the presence of RealRoshi makes my heart melt. I’ve never felt such devotion for any ”living” spiritual tacher. The presence and clarity he has brought to my home is extraordinary.
Koryu, New York

The people at Transintegral could not have been any nicer assisting me with selecting exactly the kind of robes I wanted my RealRoshi to wear.
Dokyu, Hamburg

The help and advice in placing my order I recieved from the staff at Transintegral was outstanding and appreciated.  RealRoshi  is the best representative of a stern Zen master one could imagine.  He inspires me to sit like a rock for at least 5 minutes every day.
Daishin, Los Angeles

To Diane, Bill and all the team at Transintegral. THANK YOU! My experience with your company, personnel and products has been nothing but fantastic. When I opened the crate and first laid eyes on my RealRoshi I was absolutely gobsmacked, he was so much more than I had expected and I had very high expectations…
Chosan, Berkeley

RealRoshi is the most beautiful amazing awesome creation I have ever encountered in all my life and I have practiced with literally dozens of Roshis, Senseis, Rinpoches, Ajaahns and Swamis …
Skydancer, Santa Fe

Last Wednesday we had an installement ceremony for our RealRoshi  at our zendo. And let me tell you,  the whole sangha was astounded by this beautifull creation. So real, so dynamic and so powerful! I’m again blown away after having my first dokusan with this masterpiece!
Fugen, San Diego


12 thoughts on “Your neighborhood Zen teacher, available any place or time …

  1. This has taken my vine of entanglements and cybermonastic training to the next level(bodhisattva stage 38 and1/4 to be exact) . Can’t wait for version 2.0. Can one attain the elusive tantric rainbow boner with 2.0? Dongchenpa would be proud!

  2. 3-speed steely dan? Just seconding Nellalou’s (gosh, I love that name its soo soooo…deep south ) “you know” can I just clarify if the dolls are available in the Tibetan tradition too (not that I am being sectarian or anything…heavens) Its just that I have been trying to follow the Tantric path solo, so to speak, and the addition of a ‘spiritual consort’ would be so welcome at this stage of my ‘SPIRITUAL’ development. Just wondering like?

  3. In a secret oral töga teaching that I’m not supposed to reveal to anyone, Dongchenpa Funlap let me leap onto his rainbow boner and stated that one CAN attain an even bigger one with RealRoshi 2.0. I sure hope he is right. I have always had Big pockets and a Big heart. And so, it’s been a lifelong dream of mine to unleash a Big rainbow boner on the world-for the benefit of all beings of course.
    _/ \_

  4. WTF! After only 3 days and 108 dokusans the latex around the mouth has melted. Now I know for a fact that latex has a melting point of at least 250 degrees Fahrenheit. There’s no way I created that much heat merely with friction. Hmmm….given such poor quality, I suspect my Zen Roshi was made in China. Any warranty on this product Tutteji?
    Palms together in the Dharma
    Glū ten-Shin
    漢字 བོད་

  5. Dear Big Papa Tutteji,

    I miss you Papa….
    Yet I can see your shunning silence as the masterful and caring teaching that it is. Because I am a serious student of the Way I can perceive that you have my best interests in mind. Your silence speaks volumes inside my head, and I can see what you are doing. With your usual fatherly kindness, you are trying to teach me to stand on my own two feet, to trust myself. Message received loud and clear, along with the restraining order, ROFL!!!! I will continue to fervently practice with RealRoshi 1.0 and visit other teachers on my own, until of course, you see fit for me to do otherwise. I openly receive the warm embrace of your silent shunning, and trust you implicitly with my Big Pockets and Big Heart. You will always be my Daddy….metaphorically speaking of course.

    Palms and feet together in a Dharma Double Gassho
    Daniel Glū ten-Shin Adams 漢字

    • Dear Daniel,

      A caring and devotional attitude towards your RealRoshi™ is very important – after all, you will spend some very intimate and transformative moments with him, and you want him to be fresh and ready for you at all times.

      Proper storage of your RealRoshi™ is important; you want to keep him away from direct sunlight, extreme temperatures and moist. I have no idea how you managed to melt his mouth, bu as we strive for 100% customer satisfaction, we will send you a replacement head at no additional cost.

      I also strongly recommend that you make a firm vow not to visit other teachers after you make a commitment to practice with a RealRoshi™. Remember, he represents the Zen tradition as it has been handed down to us through an unbroken line of enlightened Patriarchs. Your commitment to him should not be taken lightly, and your success on this Path stands in direct proportion to the amount of unquestioning loyalty you express towards your RealRoshi™.

      • Oh joy of joys! Thank you Venerable Tutteji Dai Osho. Your entrepreneurial compassion knows no bounds! Upon receiving your instruction, I immediately entered into exclusive vows with RealRoshi 1.0 . F##k all those other bompu posers!(not you Tutteji of course)
        While awaiting the replacement head, we have already begun working Gutei’s One Finger Zen. And I have some good news to report: my prostrate is in fine health!

        P.S. Death to all you bompu Zen posers with low aspirations!!!

        With loving palms and feet together,
        Daniel Glü ten-Shin Adams 漢字

  6. Pingback: Chogye Zen Center – Summer Dharma Tour | Cattāri Brahmavihārā

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